I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
