Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
