I just threw up on my dentist
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
