at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
