I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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