meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
