yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
