i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
