Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
