Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
