If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
