So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
