So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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