one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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