my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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