how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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