I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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