3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
