smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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