Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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