he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she told me i tasted like america
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
