Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
3 2 1 whiskey
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
