Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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