You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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