I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
