so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
