Ambien. No doubt about it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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