i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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