Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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