last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
