I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
wow bdsm is so cute
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
