you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
