sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
