If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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