living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
