He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
