What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
