A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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