Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
