from now on my penis is your penis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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