You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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