Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
