I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
