a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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