what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
