How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
