I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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