I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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