2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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