Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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