I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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