38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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