sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
