I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
