She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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