Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
