mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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