I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
