nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
