Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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