Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
