how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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