Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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