Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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